My Race Was Fixed.
From the side of a person who doesn’t know how to write things, this definitely is a bit scary.
I think there is so much that I learned from running. It’s really hard to pin it down to one race in particular. Running the London Marathon was just so many compounding moments of obedience.
I started running before I met Christ. It became a mental escape for me, really. A good 30 minutes to myself with my thoughts that I was able to sift through. A moment to review the conversations I’d had the day before and make a list of all the things I needed to do that day.
My identity at the time was all over the place. I had a life that I really hated, but society was telling me that it was exactly what I “wanted.” So I found comfort in running since it was really the one place I felt like my real self.
When I found Christ at 26, my identity was being stripped down. The low-hanging fruit in my life was being pruned, and that process was so painful. I had to be honest with myself and have some really hard conversations.
All the things I thought I knew about life were being questioned, and the only thing I really knew was that there was some verse in the Bible about running, so I was gonna stick with it.
For a while, my runs weren’t just runs. They were moments where God had the opportunity to bring so many things to the forefront of my mind to help me run through them.
Weirdly enough, I broke a lot of chains while running.
There came a moment in my runs when my mind was so tired from trying to figure things out with my own knowledge that God would just swoop in and reveal so much.
In case you were thinking, yes, I did do a lot of crying in the middle of the street while running.
I loved it, though. My heart was on fire for the One who brought me hope. I was hooked on the fact that I was getting so many revelations and seeing the goodness of God’s grace and mercy.
That first year with Christ, my transformation was fueled simply by the thought, “What kinda things is God trying to break today?”
That runner’s high mixed with a Jesus high? Unforgettable.
The more I ran, the more that first layer of my life was being shed. I was growing in Christ and being challenged in really uncomfortable ways.
God was showing me things that I was doing that I had to stop, but I kept trying to find loopholes on how to keep going.
The Weight I Had to Let Go!
There was a season when I was denying myself the reality of a situation because it didn’t look like how it did for other people.
I had a high-paying job. I was running. I was serving at church. I was living alone. I was good.
But behind all that good was a problem I didn’t want to face, especially since I only let the people around me see all the good.
Until one night.
It felt like God was tired of chasing me and wanted me to see just how bad it could get when I functioned from my own free will.
I felt the shards of glass making a deep cut into my skin. The sobriety that went through my body was like never before.
My drinking was out of control.
I cannot remember exactly what happened that night, but what I do know is that I broke my then-boyfriend, now-husband’s car window.
Multiple times, God had been trying to tell me to quit drinking. I did it for a month or two at a time, saw His hand moving, and thought I had “reached a God goal.” Then I would reward myself with drinking.
Stupid, I know.
That night, I got really scared. That was something very out of character for me, and I was afraid of what else I would do if I kept alcohol in my life.
So I stopped.
Out of habit, I put all my drinking energy into my runs. I quickly realized my love for the morning since I wasn’t waking up hungover, and I slowly started realizing that I could actually run farther than my daily three miles.
Through that time, I leaned very heavily on Hebrews 12:1 (NLT):
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.”
Alcohol was my weight, and it was slowing me down.
Not only physically slowing me down, but spiritually.
I would put all this work into my relationship with Christ, only to take multiple steps back every time I drank.
I was quickly seeing how positively sobriety was affecting my running. And slowly, I was seeing how it was affecting my life.
I wasn’t responding to situations the same way. The relationship with my dad actually exists now.
My anxious thoughts and behaviors were subsiding. My depressive episodes were far and few between.
I remember one time telling my husband that I wanted to run a half marathon to challenge myself physically.
But really, I was trying to go on a scheduled round of prayer runs.
Shortly after, my husband let me know that someone had anonymously sponsored my half marathon!
I was geeked, but I was also freaking out because now I had to run it.
From a Half Marathon to London!
The thought of running a marathon was simple.
I ran a half marathon, and a full marathon is just two halves, so why not?
The only marathons I knew existed were the Abbott World Marathon Majors, a series of marathons that you have to get picked for through a lottery. The chances are slim, but why not?
I got rejected by New York, and the London lottery was next.
When the acceptance email came, I was not expecting it at all!
I thought it was another email about add-ons or something of that nature, but when I saw ACCEPTED, I was so excited but terrified that now I really had to run this thing.
The training was like nothing I had ever done before. There was so much information on the internet. There was advice from those around me who had done it before. My mind was overloaded.
But I did what I knew always worked for me.
I knew God had chosen me FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS!
Through the training, the words of Hebrews 12:1 came to life even more.
When you train for this style of race, the number one rule is to protect your long runs. There is one day a week when you run a longer distance than the rest to ensure your body can run the full 26.2 miles at the end.
Thankfully, my long runs consisted of me running by the beach.
Hallelujah.
Running in a public place of that nature, the people-watching was very enjoyable. I was able to see that everyone was on the beach for different reasons, different seasons of life, different struggles, and moments of celebration.
And not one person knew why I was there.
Everyone has their own path that God has for them, but as citizens of Heaven, we are called to love those around us, in spite of it all.
Race day came, and so many emotions and thoughts were running through my mind.
I really was about to run a marathon in London.
To this day, I still can’t believe something of this nature is a part of my journey.
As a kid, I did one season of peewee soccer and quickly learned I was the kid who chased butterflies on the field.
The Cloud of Witnesses!
I never understood the whole “huge cloud of witnesses” part of Hebrews 12:1.
As I was running, so many miles away from home, every few minutes I was getting a text, a FaceTime call, or a voice note from people praying for me and cheering me on.
Every couple of miles, I was able to see one of my closest friends in person to remind me to keep going.
I saw the cloud forming around me get bigger and bigger, and I got a little nervous.
What if I couldn’t finish the race that was in front of me?
God reminded me that He chose me for a moment like this.
The race that was set before me was fixed.
The finish line was there, waiting for me to cross it.
That goes for life in general.
The race of life, the path we are all walking, is fixed. God took His time to create a beautiful story for us, and the finish line? That’s us hearing, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”
If there is one thing that I hope you take away from this, it is that endurance is built, and the only way to do so is to endure.
In middle school, I was told, “You can’t define a word by using the word in it.”
But honestly, it’s the only way to do it.
God never said that life was going to be easy, but what He did say was Galatians 6:9 (NLT):
“So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessings if we don’t give up.”
Endurance is simply the act of choosing not to give up with every action that you take.
With faith and a few miles,
Carina Castillo | @carinasvibes_
